Three Strategies for Supporting a Partner with Anxiety

Relationships can be hard, and anxiety can make them harder. Millions of adults with anxiety struggle to be present, calm, or “good enough.” Diagnosed or not, they’ve endured decades under the spell of something that can often feel like it’s in charge.

If your partner is one of those affected, know that there are millions of individuals in the exact same situation as the one you two are facing. Sometimes it can be easy to forget what your partner is dealing with and — even if you also struggle with the condition — you may blame them for the challenges that arise in ways that don’t take into consideration how little control they have over their behaviors.

Here are three strategies you can use to better support them.

1. Practice Active Compassion

Living with anxiety can be overwhelming. Although treatments like therapy and medication have brought relief to many, anxiety is still a persistent challenge for sufferers, often taking the front seat in their decisions and actions. Everyday activities — like going to the grocery store, attending social events, or even managing simple to-do lists — can trigger feelings of worry, dread, or panic. That difficulty can be hard to imagine if you’re neurotypical.

Compassion involves taking steps to understand your partner's experience and supporting them consistently. Instead of saying things like, “You’re overreacting,” “Just calm down,” or “Why can’t you just relax?” — which can feel dismissive — engaging with your partner’s emotions thoughtfully can go a long way in building trust and making them feel safe with you. Compassion involves validating their feelings even if you don’t fully understand them, and being patient when anxiety disrupts plans.

Active compassion goes beyond simply offering comfort in the moment; it refers to taking dedicated, regular time to consider your partner’s perspective and intentions, as opposed to doing so reactively only when challenges or frustrations occur. How can you work active compassion into your life?

2. Familiarize Yourself with Anxiety’s Key Challenges

While everyone’s experience with anxiety is unique, there are certain ways in which anxiety tends to manifest. Understanding these key challenges can help you better support your partner and empathize with their experience.

Here are a few primary anxiety challenge areas:

• Physical Symptoms: Anxiety can cause a acing heart, muscle tension, sweating, or dizziness. Anxiety often causes physical sensations that can feel scary or uncomfortable, even if there’s no immediate threat.

• Catastrophic Thinking: An anxious mind can quickly spiral into worst-case scenarios. What might seem minor to you may feel nearly life-threatening to someone struggling with anxiety.

• Perfectionism: Many anxious teens hold themselves to unrealistic standards and feel extreme distress when they don’t meet them.

• Avoidance Behaviors: Anxiety can make people avoid situations or responsibilities that feel overwhelming. This could manifest as skipping events, delaying important tasks, or isolating themselves.

• Hyperawareness: People with anxiety may feel overly sensitive to their surroundings or hyper-aware of changes in their bodies or environment.

• Difficulty Concentrating: Racing thoughts or worrying can make it hard to focus, complete tasks, or even hold conversations.

Having a basic understanding of these areas can help you be more compassionate and patient when your partner’s anxiety impacts day-to-day activities.

3. Support Their Personal Coping Mechanisms.

Anxiety management often involves developing and sticking to specific coping mechanisms. These strategies can vary widely, from proactive mechanisms like meditation and breathing exercises to reactive tactics like using a “worry stone” or having a go-to plan for when things get too overwhelming. It can manifest in behaviors that may seem annoying to neurotypical partners — this can involve repeatedly listing responsibilities aloud (“nagging”), seemingly overly organized, or being resistant to tactical changes (like changing from a physical to a digital calendar).

Your role as a supportive partner may mean going along with these behaviors. If your partner needs to leave a social gathering early to “recharge,” offer to support that decision instead of questioning it or expressing frustration. If they use strategies like yoga or meditation, go out of your way to create the space to practice uninterrupted.

Be open to how your partner chooses to manage their anxiety, even if it seems unconventional or different from how you would handle stress. Meeting them where they are can help them feel understood and loved, strengthening your relationship overall.